Once you’ve looked into the eyes of your offspring, there is no going back to life as you knew it. The emotional roller coaster which you now embark on has no breaks, no pauses, and no re-dos. This does not mean you cannot change the direction of a bad path, but you can never jump off the roller coaster and forget about it.
Many years ago I embarked on this journey myself and never a day goes by where my little flock is not the first thing on my mind each day. Although our relationship has changed over time, a day never passes where I dismiss my chicks. When they are hurt, I am hurt. When they are confused, I am confused. When they are excited, I am excited. When they have success, I have success. All of the components which comprise our relationships keep growing, and each stage has its rewards.
The moment I looked down into his big blue eyes, almost two decades ago, I fell deeply in love. My husband and I both died a thousand deaths while he grew in my belly. Several tense moments geared us up for the impending birth, but nothing prepared us for the true adventure. The first unwavering eye contact, moments after he took his first breaths, unraveled our hearts and opened us to a whole new world. We repeated this process two more times and each initial connection warmed our hearts even more.
Now with those blue eyes living outside of our four walls, we still create time each day to hold our foundation together. He willingly reciprocates, which only reinforces this ever changing relationship. As my brown eyed boy gets ready to venture away from our nest, in a few weeks, my heart again begins cracking. This only opens up a new space for the ever changing relationship we are developing. While I know I will repeat this process a third time, in a few years, it never makes it easier.
The reality of each of these little chicks fledging their way into the next phase is exciting though. Watching them learn how to manage time, grocery shop, make a meal, and even fall in love acts as a new reminder of the solid foundation we provided for them. Each step taken delicately and successfully rewards us with the affirmation “we did something right”. We also stand with arms wide open when they fall down and need a pick me up.
I didn’t realize how much our foundation meant until a few a days ago when the blue eyed boy sent a text. In his simple words, I shed a tear, and knew he needed to come home for a recharge. His simple words “I miss you guys” opening up my arms again. Now, in a few hours, he will arrive home, and once again I will gaze into those baby blues. Falling deeper for the little boy, who is now evolving into a man of his own.